Have you ever had a client just… disappear? No cancellation, no explanation – just silence?
Being ghosted in therapy can bring up all sorts of emotions – self-doubt, frustration, even embarrassment. It’s easy to start wondering: Did I do something wrong?
If you’ve been in private practice for any length of time, you may well have experienced it. A client stops coming, doesn’t return your messages, and never books in again. And if you’re anything like me, you might immediately assume it’s something *you* did – or didn’t do.
In this post, I’m going to share my own experience of being ghosted by a client, why therapy clients ghost (it’s not always what you think!), and how to handle client no-shows in private practice without it knocking your confidence.
If you prefer to listen, I also have a podcast that explores this topic. You can listen below.
If you would like to subscribe to the podcast, click here.
My Experience of Being Ghosted
A few years ago, I was working with a client who had all their sessions booked by their secretary. It was difficult work, but I believed we were making progress.
Then, one day, they just didn’t turn up.
No message. No explanation. Nothing.
And you know what? I did nothing about it.
I could have followed up – their secretary was literally the easiest route to getting in touch. But I didn’t.
Instead, I went straight into a shame spiral:
- They didn’t rebook because I wasn’t a good enough therapist.
- If they wanted to continue, they would have reached out.
- I’d be embarrassing myself if I chased it up.
In reality, there could have been so many reasons they disappeared – maybe they weren’t in control of their therapy bookings, maybe their circumstances changed, maybe the secretary forgot to schedule another appointment! But at the time, I didn’t consider any of those possibilities.
And that’s what happens when ghosting feels personal.
Why Therapy Clients Ghost (It’s Not Always About You!)
When a client suddenly stops coming to therapy, it’s easy to assume it’s because they weren’t happy with the work. But actually, clients ghost for lots of reasons, including:
- They feel better and don’t know how to say they want to end therapy. Instead of having an ending conversation, some clients just quietly stop attending.
- They’re avoiding difficult emotions. Sometimes, therapy gets too close to painful truths, and clients retreat instead of confronting them.
- They have financial struggles but they feel too embarrassed to tell you.
- They struggle with assertiveness. Many therapy clients already find it hard to express their needs. Telling you they want to stop can feel too uncomfortable, so they avoid it entirely.
- They assume you will follow up. If you don’t (like me in my story), the communication just ends.
- Something completely unrelated happened. This could be a family crisis, a change in work hours, or just life getting in the way.
The key takeaway? Clients ghosting is rarely about you – but it can feel like it is.
The Emotional Impact of Being Ghosted as a Therapist
Even when you know ghosting isn’t personal, it can still bring up uncomfortable feelings, like:
Self-Doubt: Was I not helpful enough?
Embarrassment: Would I look desperate if I followed up?
Frustration: I gave them space and support, and they just vanished!
Sadness: I really cared about this client – what’s happened to them?
And if you’re neurodivergent, you might experience Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) – a deep, emotional reaction to perceived rejection. RSD can make ghosting feel devastating, even when logically, you know it’s not about you.
The truth is, most therapists get ghosted. It’s part of private practice, and learning how to reframe ghosting can help protect your confidence.
How to Handle Client No-Shows in Private Practice
So, what do you do when a client ghosts you?
Looking After Yourself
Before acting in haste to alleviate your anxiety, take a little time to settle your nervous system.
1 Acknowledge Your Feelings (Without Judging Them)
It’s okay to feel hurt, confused, or even relieved! Recognizing your emotions without blaming yourself is the first step.
2 Reframe the Story
Instead of assuming “They ghosted me because I’m a bad therapist”, try:
- Maybe they weren’t ready for therapy.
- Maybe something changed in their life.
- Maybe they just didn’t know how to end things properly.
Changing the narrative helps you detach your self-worth from client behavior.
3 Recognise You’re Not Alone
Most therapists experience clients ghosting them and it can normalise it for you to know this. Talk about it in supervision or peer groups. One of the hardest parts of ghosting is the feeling of “Is it just me?”. Spoiler: it isn’t!
Looking After Your Clients
1 Set Clear Expectations from the Start
In your early contact with the client, find out what they wish to gain from therapy and be clear about whether therapy is appropriate for them.
You’ll probably have a clear cancellation policy in your contract. You may also like to include short sections on what you’ll do if you don’t hear from then and explain your expectations about having an ending session.
2 Decide on Your Follow Up
If a client has missed a session, a gentle check-in can be helpful.
For example:
“Hi [Client’s Name], I just wanted to check in as you missed our session today. Let me know if you’d like to reschedule.”
This could be followed up with:
“Hi [Client’s Name], I was wondering if you’d like an appointment for next week. Please let me know whether or not you’d like to book in”
If you still don’t hear, your final message could be:
“Hi [Client’s Name], as I haven’t heard from you since your missed appointment, I’m assuming you now wish to end therapy. I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you well and if you’d like to get in touch to book in again, just let me know”.
If they don’t respond, respect their choice and move on.
Final Thoughts: Ghosting Isn’t a Reflection of Your Skills
If you’ve been ghosted by a client, you’re not alone. It happens to even the most experienced therapists.
Next time a client disappears, notice where your mind goes:
- Are you assuming rejection?
- Are you taking it personally?
- Can you offer yourself the same compassion you’d offer a client?
Therapy is a human relationship, and sometimes, people leave without explanation. But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad therapist. It means you’re a human one.
Need More Support?
If you want more support in your private practice, please join Therapy Growth Group, where we talk about these challenges together.
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