Understanding masculinity, shame, and intersectionality in the therapy room
When supporting male survivors of sexual abuse, therapists often face unspoken challenges. Stigma, silence, and shame continue to shape the experiences of men, boys, and trans men who have lived through sexual trauma.
In this week’s Good Enough Counsellors podcast, I talk to therapist and author Jeremy Sachs about how we can support male survivors more effectively. His upcoming book, An Intersectional Guide for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse and their Allies: Masculinity Reconnected (out July 2025), explores how masculinity, identity, and systems of power affect recovery.
Here are some of the key takeaways from our conversation — but do listen to the full episode for deeply compassionate insights and practical tips for your work:
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Redefining masculinity for male survivors of sexual abuse
Many men feel unable to speak about sexual abuse because of deep-rooted cultural ideas about masculinity. Messages like “be strong” or “real men don’t cry” can create internal conflict for survivors who feel weak, broken, or ashamed.
Jeremy talks about the need to redefine masculinity in therapeutic work – to allow space for vulnerability, emotional expression, and healing. Without this shift, many men continue to feel that their experience doesn’t “fit” what society says trauma looks like.
How intersectionality shapes a survivor’s experience
To work with male survivors of sexual abuse effectively, we need to understand how different parts of a person’s identity affect their experience. Intersectionality – the overlap of race, sexuality, gender identity, disability, and class – matters deeply.
Jeremy shares examples of how particular groups of people face stereotypes that interact with how they are treated. For instance, black men may face racist expectations about their sexuality and trans men may be questioned about their identity. This can complicate things like disclosure and therapeutic support.
Therapists who are aware of these dynamics can build trust more easily and offer care that feels truly inclusive.
The role of shame in male sexual abuse
Shame is one of the biggest barriers to healing for male survivors. Many carry questions like “Was it my fault?” or “Does this make me less of a man?”
Jeremy highlights how shame can stop clients from seeking help at all – or leave them minimising their experience. He mentions statistics showing that it takes years for men to disclose sexual abuse, and if they are not believed, it may take many years before they try again.
As therapists, being able to name shame gently, without reinforcing it, is key. Creating a non judgemental space where the client feels believed and accepted is the first step in breaking the silence.
What therapists need to know about working with male survivors
If you’re working with men, it’s likely that at least some of your clients have experienced sexual trauma – even if they never disclose it directly.
Jeremy encourages therapists to:
- Be sensitive to how developmental trauma (e.g., childhood abuse or ACEs) may show up in adult behaviour
- Recognise that disclosure is a process, not a one-time event
- Stay aware of the messages male survivors have internalised from society and systems
- Approach conversations with an intersectional lens
Final thoughts on working with male survivors
Male survivors of sexual abuse are often left out of conversations around trauma – yet their needs are just as urgent, complex, and valid. As therapists, we have the opportunity to create spaces that counter shame, honour lived experience, and support recovery across all identities.
Jeremy’s work offers a powerful reminder: we can’t offer meaningful support without looking at how masculinity, race, sexuality, gender, and systems of power shape a survivor’s world. His book and this conversation are an invitation to listen more closely, reflect more deeply, and work more compassionately.
If this blog has sparked ideas or challenged assumptions, I encourage you to listen to the full episode and consider how this learning might influence your own practice. And if you know someone who would benefit from these insights, please share it with them. These are conversations we need to keep having.
Learn more about Jeremy Sachs and his upcoming book: www.jeremysachs.com