Struggling to Get Started as a Private Practice Counsellor
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (00:01.278)
Have you ever decided to do something but then struggled to get going? Perhaps you’ve planned to start your private practice or do something new in your marketing or perhaps you’re looking to offer group therapy, enrol on a supervision course or create an online course or product. But somehow you’ve never got very far with the idea. Today, let’s look at the reasons why and what you can do about it.
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (00:38.798)
Welcome to the Good Enough Counsellors podcast where I’m delighted to be recording episode 30. I am so proud that I’m building up this collection of resources for therapists so that they can grow in their practices. And of course, this podcast just started off as a germ of an idea. Yet being able to achieve this 30 episode milestone means I’ve actually now produced something the length of an average non-fiction book. Wow. It’s amazing what you can do if you just get started.
But I wonder if you can identify with one of my members of Therapy Growth Group. She told me she’d join because she wanted to create the space in her life to grow her practice. But even though she’d done just that, she still wasn’t taking action. And this is one of the reasons why I love working with therapists, that self-awareness and honesty to admit the stuckness. But why is it? What is it that holds you back from getting things done? What is causing that stuckness? Let’s discuss some of the difficulties you may be encountering if you’re currently on the not done side of a project that matters to you.
Challenge 1: Feeling Overwhelmed and Unsure
The reasons might be that it feels too hard and you’re not sure about what steps to take. Perhaps you’re too busy or time limited. Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed by the size of the tasks, the decisions you have to make, or you’re feeling lacking in confidence. Let’s look at the first of those, the sense of it being too hard. Maybe the job seems too enormous and you’re not sure where to start. Perhaps you don’t know how to do certain aspects of it. It could be that there are technical challenges involved that you don’t feel confident enough to tackle. The expression that comes to mind is biting off more than you can chew. Perhaps you’re frightened to get started because you’re not convinced that you have the ability to finish. Particularly if you’re someone who is neurodivergent or suspects that they might be,
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (03:04.128)
starting something can be really difficult because your brain isn’t very good at planning and breaking tasks down. This often trips me up because I’ll think, it’s just this task. But actually, just this task is a whole series of subtasks that I haven’t anticipated. And so it’s difficult to get something done to a deadline. The deadline’s unrealistic because I haven’t taken everything into account.
If you identify with me, something that I found helpful is to talk it through with someone else so that I can begin to list each individual task and step. You may then like to scribble the tasks down, write them on Post-it notes, or transfer it to a spreadsheet or a productivity app like Asana or Trello. Personally, I don’t get much further than scribbling them down or at a push, Post-it notes, but I’m still working on my organisation. One of these days, I’ll get there.
Another tip I’ve picked up is not to worry about a step that’s further ahead and which you don’t know how to resolve yet. You can meet that challenge later. The anxiety about how you’re going to manage it may well mean that you don’t get started. This could be particularly true if it’s a technical challenge, things like working out your GDPR policy, setting up a website or finding an online course platform.
Yes, it is quite possible that you don’t know how to do these things yet, but is it impossible to learn? Take a moment to reflect on the places you’ve been in the past where you didn’t think you’d be able to meet a challenge. I remember the thought of finding a placement during training seemed impossible, but I ended up with two. What sort of problems have you resolved in the past and how did you do it?
You’re far more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. I know that so many of you have done really hard things like leaving abusive relationships, overcoming trauma and leaving addictions behind. The person who is listening to this podcast has weathered so much and found their way through. You can work out how to meet that pesky problem.
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (05:31.06)
And if you can’t, there are people like myself who can help. For example, if you don’t know how to set up in private practice, download my guide on setting up a successful private practice. You can find the link in the show notes. Organisations like BACP have resources available too. Ask in the Good Enough Counsellors group or book in for a coaching session with me. As the coach Marie Forleo says, everything is figure-outable.
Challenge 2: Lack of Time
But maybe you’re saying to yourself, I just don’t have the time to work on it. I’ve got a full -time job, clients, family, or other responsibilities. But does saying you have no time mean that really this project is not that important? I started studying for a diploma when I had three children under five. It did take several years to complete, but in order to get it finished, as soon as they went to bed, I used to pick up my book and study.
I was determined to get that qualification. In Therapy Growth Group, one of my members is completing both a master’s and another diploma course. She attends every opportunity I offer for accountability so that she can get things done and she’s on the final stretch. Lisa, if you’re listening, this is your shout out. I’ve no doubt she will complete because she’s determined to do so.
When your project is high priority, you’ll find a way. So how important is your project to you? Sometimes you do have the time, but what can happen is you get paralysed by fear and feel overwhelmed. If you haven’t already done so, please do listen to episode 25, where I talk about ways to cope when paralysis overwhelms you.
Care for your nervous system and allow your brain time off. You’ll be surprised at the creative results. Remember, take baby steps, the smallest possible actions that will help you move forward, and if necessary, harness the power of support. We know that our nervous systems are soothed by connection and mirroring. Working with a peer, a supervisor, or a coach like me,
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (07:55.31)
can make all the difference to your endeavours. Now a related problem to this is the question of confidence. You may even be thinking this, it’s all right for you Josephine, you’re full of confidence. I don’t feel like that. Funnily enough, today I was just reflecting on what someone said to me recently. They’d seen my online presence, but having worked alongside me in a study group, they said I was different to what they’d imagined. They’d seen I’m actually quite normal and I suffer with the same doubts and fears as anyone else. I often feel very frightened before I do something because I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone. It’s best to avoid comparing yourself with someone else because you never really know what is going on in them underneath that external veneer of confidence.
Challenge 3: The Fear of Judgement and Rejection
Remember that telling yourself that you can’t do something because you’re not confident enough is self-defeating. You only become confident by doing something and repeating it. For example, I shook like a leaf the first time I pressed live when I broadcasted on Facebook. Now I take it for granted. I’ve gained confidence through lots of practice.
And if you’re listening to this podcast,in September 2024, this is your reminder that I’m running a live video feed challenge from Tuesday the 24th to Friday the 27th of September. If you’ve listened to episode 28 of the podcast about the power of video for your directory profile, why not join me so that you can get more confident on camera. I’d love to see you there. And all you need to do to enrol is apply to join my 2024 Live Feed Challenge Facebook group. Click on the link in the show notes, apply, and I’ll be in touch with you shortly.
Digging Deeper: What’s Really Stopping You?
So, now we’ve looked at some of the reasons why you might not be getting started can we dig a bit deeper? Is it possible that the reasons I’ve listed, it being too hard, feeling overwhelmed, and not having enough time, are actually difficulties that can be resolved? And,
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (10:18.944)
If that’s the case, what else might be stopping you? Could it be that there are fears there about being seen and being judged? We all know how important it is that human beings create connections and that in evolutionary terms, to have those connections severed is life-threatening. I believe we fear rejection at a visceral level.
And that can be particularly true for neurodivergent people who also experience rejection sensitivity. Whether or not you’re neurodivergent though, the fear of judgement and rejection can be enough to stop you getting started. Or it may lead to high anxiety levels around those things you can’t do because you’re putting pressure on yourself to succeed and be perfect.
There’s no doubt that if you get started on a project such as your private practice or creating an additional income stream or putting yourself out there on social media, you’re going to be exposing yourself to other people’s view. Is this what is putting you off? And yet, ironically, being seen is exactly what you need for your project to succeed.
The more visible you are, the more likely it is that potential clients and customers are going to find you. Being seen is actually a good thing.
So if you’re frightened of being seen, what can you do? I think it’s actually vital to acknowledge that you will be judged. Whatever you do, you cannot control other people’s reactions to what you’re putting out in the world. If you try to do so, you’re moving into co-dependence and making yourself subject to other people’s opinions. If you try to please everyone, you’ll be clipping your wings and you’ll probably please no one. The fact is not everyone has to like you. You only need to appeal to a certain number of potential clients. There are enough out there to allow those who don’t like you
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (12:36.92)
to filter themselves out of your world. If you try to dilute yourself to appeal to them, your personality won’t shine brightly enough to attract those people who are your natural followers. And while it’s nice to receive praise for what you’re doing, beware of relying on external validation. Because for everyone who thinks you’ve done a great job, you’ll probably find someone who is equally unimpressed.
Kate Cocker, the speaker coach who visited Therapy Growth Group, recently gave this advice. Think of three words about how you’d like to show up. Instead of seeking external validation, ask yourself, did I turn up according to my values? For example, have I been genuine, empathic and compassionate? Can you tell I’m person-centred trained? By checking yourself against your own values, you are being true to yourself.
It’s like you’re a tree rooted deeply by your values and when criticism blows, you may bend with the wind, but you remain grounded and firm. Because ultimately, this endeavour is not anyone else’s. It’s about you. It’s about what you want to do with your life. It’s about how you want to develop and grow.
Conclusion: Taking Steps towards your Dreams
It’s about you seeking the fulfilment of your dreams. As Mary Oliver asks, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? And from me, is it worth holding yourself back because other people who may not have your best interest at heart may judge you? Isn’t it better to have tried and failed than to wonder what might have happened had you been braver?
I wonder if you think that I’m underestimating the depth of your challenge, but I’ve supported many people who have achieved things literally beyond their wildest dreams, as have I. It’s not magic, it’s achieved by consistent hard work over time, often with support.
Josephine Hughes (she/her) (15:03.192)
But the sooner you get started, the sooner you’ll get there. Even if you have to take tiny steps, they add up over time. And if you need help, please do get in touch with me for more coaching support.
Thanks for listening. Do come and join my Facebook community, Good Enough Counsellors, and for more information about how I can help you develop your private practice please visit my website, Josephinehughes.com. If you found this episode helpful, I’d love it if you could share it with a fellow therapist or leave a review on your podcast app. And in closing, I’d love to remind you that every single step you make gets you closer to your dream. I really believe you can do it.